Husband's Eulogy to Our 40 Day Old Son, Noah

I am wearing my work clothes today [firefighter uniform] because these are the clothes I last saw you in at 530 in the morning, Noah. Where I gave some comfort to you one last time before I gave you to mom to nurse. These are the clothes I had on when I got that call from our neighbor, John, that you were headed to the ER, that no parent wants to hear. These are the clothes I got to hold you one last time at the hospital and these are the clothes in which I will have the honor of burying you. 

 
The night before I laid down in bed i wrote in my Gmail-Journal that I thought Grandpa Brown was going to leave tomorrow or the next day. I get those feelings sometimes that something big is going to happen. we all know that Grandpa Brown was going soon with him having gas gangrene and all but I didn't know that you were going to go to.

Rachel and I believe that this is why you had colic and even the night before you left you were very talkative acting a little different like you're trying to tell us something, something that we didn't know. Now I know why you wanted to be with us so much and why you were colicky; that you wanted to be with us as much as possible before you had to go. I will miss those days Noah, where you laid on my chest all night, when your colic magically went away because you wanted to be with mom and me. We just thought that you were a boy and was just always so dang hungry all the time.

Noah if I would have known you were going to be with me for only 40 days I wouldn't have given you the name Noah. I would have called you Century.

I know why your middle name is Joseph now and why we felt to call you Noah Joseph because Joseph was the name of Grandpa Browns great-great Grandpa. And only a few hours after you passed, I believe you escorted Grandpa Brown to the next life.
Noah means "comfort or rest" and Joseph means "the Lord will add" so the name Noah Joseph literally means "The Lord will add comfort." We never put two and two together when we gave you this name. But It all makes sense now. You are our angel, providing us with extra love and comfort from Heaven. Although not in the way we would have liked, we get to feel of your spirit in a different and more powerful way. 

I believe that's why you went so early and that was because you had a calling and a life as a spirit that was greater than this life, meant for greater people.

I told Rachel that in the baby blessing I didn't say that you were going on a mission in the future because I felt like you're calling in life was a little different.

We both didn't understand at that time.

We finally went out to the house the other day to have some closure and we knew you were there, we could feel your spirit and only within a few minutes of being there Rachel got an email from a friend that also added some closure that you were okay and that this was meant to happen that you truly were only here to receive a body and your mission was greater on the other side. God, our Loving Heavenly Father needed you more then we did, that somebody else on the other side needed you more than we did.

Noah we love you so so much our hearts are empty, our walls are empty.  we will miss you little man. That letter a long with other friends and families calls, texts and emails have filled out hearts back up with hope and God's love. Please keep praying for us because the next couple of weeks I believe are going to be a lot tougher once everything slows down.

Isabel's first words were No, no way, no-A and Noah. When she was in the hospital waiting room she kept telling aunt Hannah and pointing to the corner of the ceiling saying Ba bee, baby. Many times. At the funeral home before we even got to see his body she did it again pointing to the corner of the room as we asked where Baby Noah was. 
 
I believe even as the Bible says that God lives and he is there for us even when we think he's not there. Like the Savior that on the third day was resurrected and lives today, even though we can't see him that's why faith is required. Along with that we believe that we will see you again Noah and we will have the opportunity to finish raising you. Where we can go play in the sandbox with your dump trucks like I dreamed you would. Where you can play baseball and basketball like your grandpas dreamed you would. Where you will get married to a sweet young lady like your mom and grandma's dreamed you would. 

Life doesn't stop and that's why we believe in Eternal Marriage and eternal families that this family will reunite and continue for the eternities and that we will pass this Earthly test.

My only regret is one that I still have as a bad habit of doing and that is telling Isabel No, too much. And someday I'd like to write a book called no no, helping parents understand that it's not all about discipline and being good kids. It's about saying yes and rewarding them for their good behaviors not scolding them for their bad behaviors. A lesson I had to learn the hard way I guess.

Noah we will see you again and we pray that you will help us through these difficult times and that you will be Isabel's guardian angel. God be with you little Bubbers were we shall both see our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.